12-14-25

owwww

12-13-25

any time i have flare ups i get like flashbacks to my time in PT/OT (which sounds dramatic but that was actually kinda traumatizing.) so heres my rant for today:

The hell torture of desensitization therapy

A few years ago, in my years of pediatrics, I was given the diagnosis of AMPS (Amplified Musculoskeletal Pain Syndrome). The diagnosis is pretty much what it sounds like; defined as a condition where the nervous system overreacts to pain signals, causing severe, persistent pain disproportionate to any injury, often leading to fatigue, sleep issues, headaches, and skin sensitivity (allodynia). It is a diagnosis typically given to children and teens; once one reaches adulthood, AMPS, if the pain is still present, is typically rediagnosed as Fibromyalgia or CRPS (Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.) The only real difference between these conditions is that AMPS is believed to be “curable,” through extensive physical therapy, particularly desentization therapy.

What is desentization therapy? These terms are very simply named; desentization therapy is also what it sounds like: it involves repeated, varied sensory input (like textures, pressures, temperatures) to retrain, or desensitize overactive nerves, resetting the pain threshold, often using techniques like brushing, rubbing with textured cloths/towels, lotion massage, vibration, or temperature changes (ice/warm). Essentially, the premise is that if one experiences enough pain, their nervous system will become so overwhelmed that it will correct itself (or just become used to the pain.)

Sounds reasonable? Don't answer that. Genuinely, the whole treatment plan is absurd. Putting people (especially children) through intense physical pain for extended periods of time does not cure a chronic condition, and is nothing but traumatizing. Being taught to stay quiet about your pain, or growing used to being in constant pain, is not a cure.

My time in physical & occupational therapy involved these desentization techniques. I’d have to run my hands under freezing cold water, rub my skin until it turned red, and regularly have to hit myself (or be hit by the therapist.) I would genuinely sob at these sessions because it hurt so bad. (To put it in perspective, it hurts me to be brushed with a feather. I'm not even joking, this is a real test they did to see if I had allodynia.) What was it all for? Nothing I guess. My life was hell the entire time I was in PT/OT, and if anything, it only made me feel worse. Able-bodied people don’t understand what it’s like to live in constant pain, and their treatment plans reflect this.

What does help? Mobility aids, CBT, talking to other disabled folk. Genuinely anything else.

12-12-25

lack of sleep worsens chronic pain. skipping sleep all week to make your neocities website is an awful idea. currenly under the impression that slamming my head with a car door would make me feel better. or just using my crutches that i'm supposed to be using.

spirit may be willing, but flesh is weak

12-11-25

so the chatbox may have been a mistake. i made a lot of updates to the site today and yesterday (changed formatting, colors, added so many stamps, made an art page, added music?!! and more..)

I'm planning on adding more of my interests to the site, that way its actually interesting to look at. I think it's pretty cool so far though!! One of my music players doesn't play the full song its supposed to play so i'm debating fixing that.

other... my chef (who retired last year) visited us today!! and the pasta I made was enjoyed. :-) also I think i might actually change my name to marshall?? I've gotten positive feedback about it so far, but we'll see.

12-10-25

hey website! now we have a chat box. I'm still trying to find things to add to the site, maybe soon I'll update the layout now that I understand everything a bit better

anyway. today in school I made chicken sandwiches* (not burgers. sorry adrian). I don't know how they turned out but I guess we'll see.

12-09-25 (60 minutes later)

that should not have taken an hour.

(literally all i had to do was delete one line of code)

12-09-25 (40 minutes later)

NO THE FORMATTING BROKE ON MOBILE genuinely how do you fix this.

12-09-25

hello! this website is somewhat up and running now?? Well 3 pages are at least. I still have to make the art/photo gallery, but that can be a problem for another day.

today I spent a whole period trying to figure out how to make scroll bars for my blog posts (i figured it out!!) but I don't actually have enough content to warrent a scroll bar. maybe if I ramble enough about this scroll bar you'll actually have to use it.